And here is a feeling that suddenly invaded me, making me lose the meaning of my life. I sincerely believe that I have lost the taste for it. My question becomes: how can I enjoy a lasting happiness without giving a meaning to my life?
I find it unfortunate to lose my way. What could be worse than losing one's way? Have I lost my mind?

I realize that my facts at all times of the day are the same. There is nothing new or different. Every hour of the day, I repeat the same gestures. Everything is monotonous, without taste, without pleasure.

What happened to make me amorphous?

Is it the age?

I have never liked the words old and aged, but these words take hold of me as if to say: 'You never believed in us and yet we are here'. 
I think I am dreaming.
No, I am not dreaming. I'm standing here, realizing what is happening, wondering how long it will last. These days I'm beginning to think that it's quite possible that old age has caught up with me. And what am I going to do?

Fight it? But how will I do that?
Accept it? Here again, how do I do it?
It was Victor Hugo who said that "old age arrives suddenly like snow, one morning when you wake up, you realize that everything is white". No, this is not my case.
I think that I will start studying this subject because I am sure that many people before me have been in my situation, I think that I will start studying this subject because I am sure that many people before me have been in my situation.

And to think that I spent my youth studying wisdom to practice it a little in my old age.
I remember an old proverb that said that old age enters a house unannounced. Is this the case with me?

I still think that my life today is not what it was. I know I have said many times how much I have loved life, how much it has given me pleasure. And I was happy to hear myself say these words. And now, what the hell! It is to be believed that if youth has had its pleasures, old age makes us live the reality.

I wonder if the people around me realize that I have changed, that I am no longer the same person who has always been pleasant to others, the one who helped them when they had problems. How do I know? I have no intention of asking them.

It remains that for the whole world life has a meaning. For me, it doesn't. So it is not life but rather 'my life'. And the only one responsible in all this, well, it's me and me alone. I have to find a solution to this problem and only an intelligent person can find a solution to a problem, nobody else. Am I smart? I doubt it! Because if I were, I would have managed not to live this situation.

In the end, am I happy? Isn't that the goal of all of us? I fear that individual happiness is not enough to give meaning to our existence. A great absence!  Is my problem that I lack relationships with my fellow human beings? Is that the reason? I understand that those who have a deep reason to live can endure some suffering.

I need to meet people who give meaning to life.
Will I ask for help? From whom? A psychologist? A psychiatrist? Have I become so weak, so fragile, so vulnerable?
Is it possible? It probably is!
The fact is, I have to take charge of my life. I am the only one who can get out of this maze, because it is one.

Someone once told me that the path of life is the path of the heart.
Is this true?
Where am I in this field?
It is a fact that I do not seek the meaning of my life in the material. Far from it. So what is it? Maybe I need a great ideal to give meaning to my life.
Throughout the ages, I thought I had learned that it is by putting ourselves at the service of humanity that we discover the meaning of life. Let it be discovered in service to others.
I confess that I neglected this aspect. I think I forgot a very important point:
The meaning of life is not simply to exist, to survive, but rather to go forward, to rise, to realize, to evolve, to progress, to conquer. And it is all this that I miss. I forget one thing: the meaning of life is also love. So I have to love. To love everyone, without distinction.

I will end up concluding that the true meaning of life is nothing other than improving the quality of life. I believe that to live better, I will stop looking for the meaning of life. I will idealize the spinning earth and respect it. I will prepare the end of my life with peace of mind. And if I know better the meaning of life, the desire to live will return.

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